Fed up with South Korea always flaunting their country’s status as Ping Pong world champions, Japan has decided to step up their game. Athletes have been undergoing a top secret training that is rumored to be pioneered by Keanu Reeves. And not the crappy pot smoking stupid Keanu from Parenthood or BATEA either. It was more like the kick your ass in a messianic kind of way Keanu from the Matrix trilogy.

South Korea, not to be outdone, has enlisted the help of their own celebrity. Unfortunately, the country’s obsession with Sanjaya Malakar may turn out to be its ultimate downfall. At least William Hung could dance…