As part of its ongoing employee satisfaction program, Microsoft has added to its already generous free employee refreshment bar. Now, instead of just Starbucks and Krispy Kreams, employees can also indulge in Speed, Cocaine, and on Fridays, Hallucinogenic mushrooms.

Steve Ballmer, current Microsoft CEO, intended to release the news at an employee meeting, but was unable to do so do to the fact that he was very, very high at the time. Apparently uppers mixed with Krispy Kreme can result in the inability to stop screaming. After 15 minutes, staffers began to realize that Ballmer was not just joking around, and summoned paramedics.

Later in the day, the roughly 79,000 employees of Microsoft were informed about the change in an email that also included a “What to do in case of Overdose” warning.