With Brett Favre’s retirement from the NFL finally looking like a possibility, John Madden has begun a lengthy interview process for new sponsors. It is unclear whether or not Madden can turn his penchant for overstating the obvious in an exaggerated way into a marketing tool for feminine hygiene products, but Madden has been adamant in his decision to retire from all things football once Brett Favre, his one true love, is no longer a part of the game.

Said Madden, “I don’t think I can continue to watch football if I can’t talk about Favre. I mean, yeah, I could continue to talk about his past achievements during every game like I do now, but NBC has been getting upset with me because I interject his name into every Farve. I mean sentence. Look, I did it again! Heh heh har heh. It’s like Favre is always on my mind, like he mind controls me or something. I’m not babbling, I’m just Farve. Farve Farve Farve Farve Farve and Farve. And don’t Farve your Farve.”